Here I put in written some of the most frequent questions people ask me.  So I make it clear that what I write here is not necessarily a rule for everyone.


1 - What is BDSM?

B = M = Masochism (enjoy pain, humiliation, etc.) D = domination S = Submission and / or Sadism (take pleasure in causing pain, humiliation) humiliation)


1a - What is submission?  


It is a conscious transfer of power. An act of complete surrender of body and behavior to someone who exercises control to the extent permitted. This limit can be agreed in advance or, if both want, nothing prevents them from gradually discovering themselves, but without ever forgetting the three basic rules: They are Safe and Consensual

If you have feelings of submission and think that you are alone, rest assured, there are many people like you who are healthy and happy because they are being called submissives. Explore the subject further and you will find what you have always wanted in your walk.

Some aspects of Submission:

Submission is:
• An intense relationship for both man and woman.
• Total delivery in a climate of trust and respect.
• Happiness and balance with the experience of your desires.

Submission is not:
• Sign of weakness and inferiority.
• Lack of intelligence, creativity or motivation.
• Passive behavior.
• Something imposed or involuntary.
• Sexual promiscuity.



1b - What is domination? 

It is the desire to exercise control over one or more persons, with their consent. It is the other side of the coin to promote a relationship of satisfaction among those involved.

It needs to be made clear that there is no way outlined to become Dominator. The experience of domination is something very personal, one can choose to be strict and demanding or gentle and considerate, according to the personality of the person.

Many confuse domination with lack of education and practice BDSM to amuse themselves with the frailties of others. It is crucial to understand that being domineering is much more than carrying a whip or adding the word Dom or Master in front of a nickname. It is more appropriate to understand a Dominator by his way of being and thinking than by what he does.

People have their own reasons for living domination. For some, it is a way to spice up sex. Others see it as an opportunity to increase the chances of "having someone". There are those who use it as a way to escape the day-to-day monotony. Just for a small percentage domination is simply the essence of your being. For this minority, everything will continue when the computer turns off or when a scene ends, because that's how they work.
Domination is not a way of life for everyone. In order not to waste your time and act inconsequently, reflect on the motivations that lead you to want to become a Dominator. Do not be deceived that the experience can provide you with an easy relationship, where it will become the sovereign whole. Be motivated to give more than you will receive in the relationship, both emotionally and physically. D & S is power exchange and that means those involved get 100% donation for complete satisfaction.


Some aspects of Domination


Domination is:
• Are Safe and Consensual;
• Gratifying;
• Release. Courtesy;
• Based on truth and mutual respect.


Domination is not:
• Abuse. Perversion;
• Handling;
• An excuse to be rude;
• Something imposed or involuntary;
• Something learned in a day, a week or even a year.




A classic image of sadism is that of a domineering mask, leather or rubber clothing, wielding a whip and shouting scams. This is, in fact, an image more linked to fetishism than to sadism or masochism. Sadism is a practice, not a fantasy. Although they are confused, what differentiates them is the intention. To the fetishist, the dress. To the sadist, the feeling of domination and / or cause suffering to the partner. Psychological domination, where there are rarely disciplinary practices (spanking, spanking, etc.) is also a very common form and there exists, or may exist, psychological and physical domination.

3 - I do not take pain and I do not want to feel pain. Is BDSM for me?

As well as explained above, physical pain is only one of MANY BDSM strands. Many dominators / submissives do not like pain but indulge in other pleasures consented to in BDSM as humiliations (being dogged, restraints of movement, licking feet, cleaning the domineering house, etc.). That is, practices of provoking "pain" (and it is questionable whether it is pain itself) are combined and generate pleasure for both parties.


4 - Pain or pleasure?

There are many studies that demonstrate that there is a threshold of stimulation where pain and pleasure are confused, and this is the intention of the dominator in stimulating zones of pleasure through pain. Here lies the techniques of the dominator: to know how to rhythm and to know the rhythms of the body in order to reach a threshold where the initial "pain" turns into pleasure for both sides.


5 - Dominators and Masters. What's the difference?

A dominator is someone who already has enough BDSM practice and knows how to conduct a submissive SSC (healthy, consensual and safe). A master is someone who in addition to being a domineer has excellencies in BDSM techniques to the point of being able to teach others in them. As sadly we still do not have anything that allows us to check the real qualities of those who present themselves as masters and / or masters, let's say that the BDSM environment ends up exercising a natural control of dominators and "Dominators".


6 - I am a beginner and I am afraid that the dominator does not respect my limits. Does it proceed?

A true dominator will cherish the sake, safe and consensual (SSC), that means he will respect his safety, health and himself, always using a condom and giving a word of security to the submissive. In case the submissive uses the security word the dominator should immediately stop the session. This is the guarantee of the dominator and the submissive.


7 - What if I use the security word and the domineering does not stop?

Well, serious dominators are known in the middle by their peers and other submissives. The dominator has a name to watch over (or should have). If he does not respect your limits you and others will tell him what will make his name in the middle. A real domineering will YES stop if asked.


8 - What are the practices of BDSM?

BDSM is a world and practices are many, many come to use the names and abbreviations in English of practices, for many reasons, one of them is to separate initiates from curious. Let's go to a few: tt (stimulate the partner's nipples), (cbt) stimulate the testicles of the partner), dog play (bonding the partner with dog), bondage (restricting partner movements through ropes, gags, handcuffs) (submissive gives pleasure to himself and his dominator by cleaning and organizing the domineering house), sneakers, hosiery, submissive pleasure in smelling chulo, sucking and massaging the feet of their dominator), leather and / or latex (submissive and domineering is happy to touch and feel through these materials - leather and / or latex). Anyway, BDSM is a world and everyone can enjoy their fantasies as long as they respect the SSC. I take it to leave a tip: no one likes everything but this is normal, but .... you should find your fantasies the most and horny and other people not right? Respect the "strange" taste of others because their delicious fantasies are also strange or indifferent to another person. The other's fantasy is worth as much as yours.


8 - Why the BDSM medium calls the meeting of domineering with session submission?

For many reasons, but let's go to a few of them: session involves BDSM practices and not necessarily sex with penetration. There are submissives who do not like penetration and there are even (and for that very reason) heterosexuals who sit with male dominator because they do not involve sex in the session. That is, the BDSM world allows flexibility in fantasies to a much greater degree than active / passive, gay / bi / straight.

9- Short take a few tapas and be eaten strong. I consider myself a submissive because I like these practices. How is this in BDSM?

SUBMISSION IS NOT TO TAKE TAPAS AND BE STRONG. This has a name, you have this option to mark the Manhunt, Available, etc. for example: you can call hard sex, wild sex, etc. But that is not being submissive and enjoying fetishes / domination ... Another thing, if you think asking the "domineering" to arrange 5 friends of his to eat you is to be submissive, know that this is something else: just a liability that outsourced the job of finding the assets (and even the location) for that fuck to occur. Friend, if you're just passive, I'm sure that in your contact list there are several assets to eat you. Yes, I know, it's difficult to reconcile their agenda (soon the dominator who can do this is more to the fucking secretary of passive) but there is a place that these people appear and it does not work for anyone: call sauna, enter one, give for as many as you want, be happy and know: no, this is not BDSM .... is just passive with laziness to find roll ...


10- Is submissive always passive? Can it be active? What characterizes a submissive? Submission may not enjoy penetration?

Being submissive does not necessarily mean being passive, being submissive means having pleasure in pleasing, following the commands of the domineering. A submissive can thus only have a spank session, or just be tied, without being penetrated. The submissive may also be active, and have sex with another submissive of the dominator, being controlled by the domineering for this. Anyway, submission is not directly linked to sub sexual performance. It may be, it may not be.


11- color coding and its meanings in BDSM.

contribution - @ Luis breathless

BLUE: Sex (anal, oral)
GREEN: Discipline (uniforms, domination, submission) * remembering that green has interpretations related to prostitution
YELLOW: Watersports (millet, spit, scat in general)
ORANGE: Liberal, everything.
RED: Fisting
PURPLE: Piercing (needles, hooks, perforations in general)
BLACK: Sadomasochism
GRAY: Bondage
WHITE: Vanilla (kiss, masturbation, guinage)


12- What is the origin of the BDSM symbol?


At the end of 1994, AOL's discussion rooms in the United States suggested a way for BDSM sympathizers to identify themselves in public places without suffering any kind of reprisal or persecution for this lifestyle. It was originally thought to use the Pride of Leather flag (which some confuse as the BDSM banner), but there was no consensus on this, among many reasons, it did not identify all the strands.


In 1995, user Quagmyr kicked off the emblem project that began to take shape when the discussion was brought to the internet, especially in the group.


After many sketches, the work was finally completed and by 1997 it was already known all over the web. The idea of ​​the BDSM emblem is that of the mystery, its purpose was to be identifiable only by people who know its real meaning.


For laymen, it is only a stylized gem very similar to the Yin-Yang symbol, but such a resemblance is not accidental.


The contours represent two phases (the beginning and the end) and in the case of BDSM this also applies, but with three divisions: B & D, D & S and S & M, the three divisions also evoke the SSC (are safe and consensual - ok rookie staff who thinks that everything is worth it?) and finally a group of three (Dominators, Submissives and Switchers) represented by the holes that in the context are an imperfection if seen in isolation, since BDSM should not be practiced alone (ok folks who self-mastered ???).


The drawing was inspired by the rings used in Roissy's "The Story of O" *, has a bit of the Yin-Yang style and also recalls a triskele (three legs).


Metal and metallic color represent irons and chains symbolizing servitude and possession, the inner black fields represent the celebration and control of the dark side of BDSM sexuality.


The sinuous lines can be interpreted as the swing of a whip or the movement of an arm giving a slap or erotic delivery. Finally, the circle represents ideology, unity and community.


more information about the creation of the BDSM emblem can be found on the site in English:


obs: The book "The Story of O" is a classic of BDSM literature. Never heard of it? it's worth checking the link:


Do you have any other questions? More doubts? Have opinions? Send your question and / or opinion through the "contact" tab of the site. The most interesting questions will be answered here.




© 2014-2021 by Mestre Guto Lemos - all rights reserved. 

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